Letting Go of Yesterday ...

It's been months since I've written and that ugly monster, guilt, is setting in. The only things uglier than guilt are jealousy and greed. But I don't know those emotions so I don't feel equipped to talk about them.

It's not really my fault. I wanted to write about our trip to Cape Cod, but my paws are tied. If Meme won't type, I'm out of luck. Meme had sort of a "mishap" at the end of our trip. But overall, just like last year, our month on the road and our time on Cape Cod was pure bliss. Add to that the time we got to spend with family and friends and we came home relaxed and happy, safe and sound, and our life is back to normal.

Just yesterday Meme was saying that guilt is a wasted emotion. It accomplishes nothing, it solves nothing ... just a waste of energy. We can only live for today and there's no point in feeling guilty about what we could have done differently. If it's that important, we should just do it and move on.

We can't always control our guilt because we can't predict tomorrow. We don't always know the outcome of our actions. It's easy to look back and realize we made a bad decision even though it seemed right at the time. So we can't possibly avoid guilt altogether.

But sometimes guilt can be a little self serving, don't you think? We know in our hearts there's something we should do, but for whatever reason we don't do it. And then the guilt sets in. So what's harder? Doing it? Or feeling the anguish of not doing it? The guilt can last an awfully long time ... that's for sure.

Guilt can find its way into everything. Meme even feels guilty about clothes. She feels if she loved them once, she should love them always. If they fit once, they'll fit again. And this can work both ways .... she figures one day she may gain weight again and need those XXL's or she may get really skinny and fit into the tight jeans she bought that never lost their snugness. So every few months she does a "review" of her closet. She takes everything out, lays it on the bed and tries just about everything on as if she's out shopping!!! She never does this when Poppy is around because then he'd know that when she says she has nothing to wear, she's not being completely honest.

Women can be fickle about how long a favorite stays a favorite. All too soon something once cherished can fall to the bottom of the pile, get pushed to the back of the closet or worse get packed in a box under the bed! Every once in a while she'll come across something long forgotten and suddenly it's brand new! She has so many clothes packed in the closet that she could open her own L. L. Bean store. The polo shirts in every color are stacked so high that she can't pull one from the bottom without messing all the ones in the middle.

She keeps thinking she'll take stuff to Goodwill, make some room in the closet. She told me she feels guilty if she lets them go, but she also feels guilty if her closet is stuffed with clothes she seldom or never wears!!

And then there's guilt about family. Lucky thing Meme has no kids of her own because she'd be locked in a cage somewhere by now. That doesn't mean there's not a whole lot to feel guilty about where family is concerned ... the time not spent, the time spent when things were said that shouldn't have been or not said that should have been, the phone calls she didn't make, the invites she didn't send. I think we feel more guilt about family than anything else on this earth. We were born into them and they are born of us. But along the road sometimes we lose touch, grow apart, get busy with other 'stuff' and then kick ourselves for not being as close as we once were. That bond is always there, it never gets completely broken no matter what.

Let's face it; we all make mistakes as we walk through this thing called life. And it's always easy to look back and think about how we could have done something better, rushed to someone's side, made a phone call, chosen a path that turned toward someone instead of away. I always wonder why people are always going somewhere else, they never seem to live where they think they should be ... makes no sense to me.

All of us can feel regret and we learn from that. Thinking back over what might have been is fine as long as we don't kick ourselves in the butt about it. It's done and finished. Doesn't do any good to lie in bed at 4 o'clock in the morning going over the whole thing in our heads. There's a saying ... "you made your bed, now lie in it!" Feeling guilty doesn't fix anything. The only day that we can fix anything at all is today.

As for all those clothes sitting there not being worn? Toss 'em ... take them to Goodwill or your charity of choice. The truth is that coat you don't wear might keep someone warm on a cold day, a new pair of unworn shoes that pinch might not pinch the next person. That orange scarf that makes you look orange, too, will look amazing on someone else and they'll be glad to have it. And if the clothes have seen their better days, do what Meme's friend always says ... "kick 'em to the curb!"

I don't think anyone ever feels guilty about what they gave away ... whether it be clothes, kisses, hugs ..... or just a smile. Even words on a page like these. We just never know when our words will float out there and maybe someone will see something just a little differently. That's really why I write all this down ... I do it to share with you and when I do that, I get back double what I might have given you.

When we give something away, when we share with someone else, we never miss it. We never wish we could take it back. And we never, ever, feel guilty about it.

'Til next time ...

Molly