Neighbors & Friends

It sure was a splendiforous Holiday season from most everyone's perspective but mine. For some reason I don't get to go to the parties that I know for sure were taking place all around us because I heard lots of laughter and some of it was Meme's and Poppy's.  They think I can't hear with the doors shut, but I can.  And I let them know it one night in my own special way. 

Still, I have to say that Christmas morning was pretty special even for me.  It was "just us" and I knew something good was going to happen when the stockings arrived on the bed.  There were 3 ... one for each of us.  I had treats and bones and best of all a piece of rawhide which is usually a big no-no for me, but this was a very special day.  So all the presents were opened and everyone was pretty happy with their bounty.  Only problem was I didn't smell anything cooking which meant, one more time, I was left home alone.

We live in a community with lots of neighbors.  When you fly in, the houses look like they are attached ... that's how close together they are.  Even though Meme grew up without another house in sight, she always wished she had neighbors.  All grown up she lived in an apartment in New York City for years and years. And Poppy, too, was used to the city with neighbors close by. So Meme has memories of what she calls the "sweet innocent life of the country" while Poppy remembers the "exciting sweet life of the streets". They often argue.... whoops! I mean "discuss" the pros and cons of both.

If they asked me I'd vote for neighborhood living.  When I go out for my romps, I like to see people and other dogs. It just makes life much more interesting. But the truth is every house is filled with people who live separate lives from us and love their dogs as much as I am loved.  People have stuff they have to do, jobs they need to go to, kids they have to take care of or parents who need their help. There's always something going on that puts people into their cars and takes them down the street and out onto the highways ... sometimes just for an hour or two and sometimes for days or weeks at a time. And when they drive out of their driveways and out onto the street they wave at their neighbors as they pass; if they have a few extra minutes they'll stop, roll down the window and talk for a bit. But then they go on their way and their neighbors go back in their houses and they may not see each other again for weeks at a time.

Hanukkah came very close to Christmas this year so in December there were people celebrating special holidays all over the world.  Everyone everywhere was just friendlier and on our street there were lots of decorations and lights. The back of our house looks across a lake and the people on the other side put up the prettiest holiday lights I ever did see.  Meme considers those lights part of our decorations and she "frames" our view with tiny white lights on our patio trees. The bright festive lights sparkled on the water like dancing fireflies on a New England Spring evening. And then there were the parties with neighbors inviting neighbors into their homes so they could get a chance to know each other better than a quick wave as they go about their lives.

There's something about the season and something almost magical comes over just about everyone this time of year.  People reach out to their neighbors inviting them to share some time with their families and friends.  And while I'm left home to wait for Meme and Poppy to come back, I also know what it means to live in a place we now call "home", a place once alien and so far from everything they'd ever known and loved.

So with the holidays behind us we begin a brand new spanking year.  It's a time everyone starts fresh with a clean slate, an empty canvas with a brand new set of crayons, the mistakes of last year set to rest ... when we promise ourselves that this year will be different and we'll stick to all our resolutions.  I know there's one thing I hope and my family share .... that all the camaraderie that everyone shared over the holidays continues and everyone doesn't go back in their houses closing the door behind them, waving quickly from their cars as they drive down the street.   We're all in this together; we all face the big stuff that comes our way so maybe we can keep that warm, friendly feeling going all year long.  We sure can try.

 'Til Next Time,

Molly

Taking the Long Way Home ...

We're safely home after another endless road trip which pretty much amounts to me lying on three of my beds in the back seat of the car with cushions all around (Meme's definition of doggie air bags). In order to drink a simple splash of water I whimper a little so Meme will whip out this special water bottle that she squeezes and water dribbles pathetically into a sort of bowl that's attached.

We stop at weird parking lots along the highway with rest rooms and some pretty pathetic grass for me. Heaven forbid I set paw in the 'pristine' picnic areas. I totally don't get this because I'll put my little white paws up against their dirty shoes any day of the week, but I digress. We visit McDonalds and Wendy's and then overnight at the Hampton Inn which is totally boring because I can't even look out the window!

After a couple of days we finally get where we're going and we move all the stuff from the car into a strange house with all sorts of unusual smells, lots of sand outside to run in and more water than anyone could ever drink but for some reason I'm not allowed to. No sooner I adjust to breaking every routine I've ever known, we load everything back in the car, go through the whole fast food, parking lots, Hampton Inn thing again and end up back where we started from!!! Humans can be pretty confusing sometimes.

About a century ago; or was it sometime in the last century ... I get confused ... Meme's family would pack everyone into the car (3 kids and 2 very large dogs) and drive from Connecticut to Cape Cod where they would rent a little cottage for a week or two . Now mind you, the littlest kid sat in the front seat between Mom and Dad on top of all the sheets and towels and the other 2 kids, along with 2 giant dogs, were in the back seat with the dogs' heads hanging out the window with their drool running down the glass. And there they would all be for the next 4 hours or so counting license plates from different states, singing along together, with the littlest one in the front screaming "Where's my Cape Cod?" about a mile down the road from their house. No SUV, no station wagon, no DVD player, iPods, video games, no seat belts or child-safe seats ... just their 4-door Ford with the metallic green paint tooling down the road off on a holiday together. It was the best of times.

Meme has such wonderful memories of those vacations that the older she gets the more she wants to be back there. She does whatever it takes to recreate those moments kicking it up a notch by renting right on the beach looking out over the Atlantic ocean. They started out renting on Cape Cod a few years ago, but the older they get the harder the drive is for them so they keep moving closer to home. Poppy says why can't we just drive the 12 miles to our own ocean??? Why not just go to the beach every day and out to dinner every night right here? Meme just shakes her head in disbelief ... he just doesn't get it.

When you drive the back roads to Topsail Island you pass through a town called Fair Bluff. It's gone in an instant; you barely have time to draw a breath and if you're talking or not paying attention, you may miss it. For Meme it was like stepping back in time. We didn't go that route on our way up to Topsail, but we drove that way coming home. It's too bad Meme was at the wheel or she'd have pictures to share, but she says maybe it's meant to be left etched only in her mind.

With all the hours of driving and tons of days soaking up the sun and Topsail Beach, it's funny that little town stood out for her, but it did. Just about 40 miles from bustling Myrtle Beach, Fair Bluff rests along the Lumber River in Columbus County, NC. She laughed as we passed a sign saying "city limits" until she was reminded of the 'cities' in the 50's. As quickly as we entered the city it was gone and we drove past trees along the river covered with Spanish moss and on through the rolling countryside as if it never happened. But now she knows it's there ... Fairbluff. In a time when we yearn for a better world, Meme thinks this just possibly may be a town called "Hope" and a link to better times down the road.

But I've got my tail in front of my head again so let's get back to our vacation. We visited Topsail last year and Meme ached to go back. So before Poppy even knew what was happening poor guy was trudging up the stairs with bags and boxes for 9 days at the beach. He's getting a little long in the tooth for this, but Meme keeps saying the next time she'll pack more lightly. But what she actually does is buy lighter packing bags and puts all the same stuff in smaller boxes so each one may weigh less, but he ends up making a gizillion treks up the stairs!! He says why can't Meme find a house that isn't on stilts but she keeps explaining they couldn't see the ocean!!! It just never ends with those two. You have no idea what I have to put up with.

Once I settled in with all my favorite things close by me, we really did have a super duper time relaxing, sitting on the deck, taking walks on the beach and looking for shells. They also left me behind and went out to dinner, but I don't want to bring that memory back. The first couple of days there was a ton of rain as hurricanes passed way to our east. The waves were huge and I wouldn't go near them. But by the 3rd day the clouds slowly opened up to the most beautiful clear skies and soon after the fierce ocean we'd been greeted by quieted to beautiful rolling waves breaking along the shore and Meme was never far from her camera.

We brought home stones washed by the sea and shells thrown up by the waves and we've got hundreds of pictures to remind us of all those perfect days looking out over an ever changing sky and ocean. And still Meme thinks about the city of Fair Bluff where just for an instant following a perfect vacation, she was reminded of a time long ago when life was so much simpler and held so much promise.

Sometimes the back way can take a bit longer. But sometimes the answers lie in veering off the beaten track even if it takes us a little out of our way. One thing is sure, the ocean will always be there and hopefully so will the houses that lie along its coast. But when you come to a fork in the road, taking the road less traveled can sometimes make all the difference.

'Til next time ...

Molly

If you'd like to see more of our vacation pictures, just click here:

picasaweb.google.com/106137413221576546805/TripToTopsailIslandSeptember2011



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~ Being 70 ~

Well she's not really 70, not quite. But it's coming on like a freight train. She's trying to decide whether to hug it and own it, or defy it and fight it. She's leaning toward the latter; I'm pushing for the former.  After all, she's already way past 69. I say hug it and love it ... we're talking just a tiny baby step to the big 7-0.

I'm not going to tell you all the nasty stuff that goes on with every passing year after 60 (not 50 like you heard ... turns out 50 is the new 30 so you get a pass for that decade). But 60 is 60 and not the new anything. So after 60 stuff starts happening; slowly so you don't notice until you wake up one day and there are hairs growing where they shouldn't be and not growing where they should. 

Suddenly your skin starts getting little spots that expand on a daily basis and little thingies seem to come out of nowhere in the most alarming places. And no way I'm going to waste our time talking about the ugly thing your face does as the skin starts making its way to the ground without the skull you thought it was attached to!!! And other things fall down I can't even begin to describe.

Nope! Rather than focus on all that negativity, I want to tell you about the blessings of being 70. Meme's going to tell me them, but she has to reflect for a bit. Then I'll write it down so that when the time comes down the road, or even if it's already here for you, knowing these things will lift your spirits and brighten your day.
'Cause that's what I'm here for in case you didn't know.
There's the ocean at dawn before the sun comes up, when yours are the only footprints in the sand except maybe for mine. And the sun slowly rises saying "Lucky you, I'm giving you a bright new day". The difference in greeting that day being 70 is that you have the time to appreciate every single second. You see grains of sand where once you saw the beach. You see the sandpipers scurrying along the edge of the water instead of the dirty old shoe washed up on the shore.
And even if you see that shoe, now there's something beautiful about the way the shoelace falls on the sand creating rivulets as the tide turns away. The morning light plays against the worn leather. You take a picture because you need to capture that moment and hold it close to your heart forever. Now you have time to dream for a moment and imagine a loving couple down by the water years ago. They kick off their shoes to walk along the water and somewhere further down the beach, they forget about their shoes. Years later, there's that shoe washed up on the sand with the sun reflecting the years tossed by the ocean. You have the time now to reflect and smile about that.

The laughter of children takes on a new note since they were your own, back when you had to worry if they were strolling off or swimming out too far. Now their laughter blends with the breaking waves creating a symphony as you pass, the laughter fading behind you as you stroll by. Your own laughter feels joyous, easing all that may lie heavy in your heart and makes you feel as light as the air you breathe.

You wear a badge of the pain you've felt and the loves you've lost. You can still feel the exquisite pain of a 16 year old girl when the love she was so sure would last forever somehow ends. A pain so excruciating that she is almost sure her eyes will never dry and assuredly never stop burning. And 25 years later when that boy dies, the pain returns as wrenching as it was all those years ago. Of course you can tell all this to the 16 year old girl and she will look at you, eyes misted over, recognizing only your complete and total stupidity because how could you possibly know what she is going through. But you do. And that may not help her, but it definitely helps you.

At 70 you know how music makes you feel, taking you back to a special day at the beach on the Rhode Island shore when you sailed all day on a sunfish, hopped in his convertible to drive the long way home, top down, heat on and a cold wind blowing across your faces .... "What's New Pussycat" played on the radio. The sunshine made you both a bit fuzzy and you got lost on roads you knew well, but somehow you followed the moon and found your way home wrapped in a moment you would never forget. Music brings back memories so perfect; probably more perfect than they actually were.

Meme says that throughout a woman's life her friends are as important as family. Being 70, she is proud to count her best friends on one hand ... the friends she's known for 10, 20 and 30 years, who have seen her at her worst, her best and all those places in between. Some live close and some live far, but they are always there for her and she does her best to be there for them. Then there's the wider circle of friends ... the women who add laughter, lend support, send out a Birthday wish and soothe her when she bleeds. She feels her friends encircling her, securing her in a safe place. It takes years to feel this fortress of friendship. Friends are the foundation that hold you up and support you and you know when to walk away from what doesn't.

A nap is one of life's greatest blessings that all God's creatures enjoy as babies. Dogs are smart enough to never stop napping from birth through our final breath. But for people at some point the naps stop and don't start up again for decades. And then one day it's nap time again. No one knows better than me how good it feels to let a light blanket settle over you as you lie down in the afternoon, your eyes close and a soft, blessed sleep comes over you for a little while.

And finally, if you're really lucky, you've been married for a good long time to someone you know so well you can guess what he'll say next, who stands by you even when you're at your worst. You go to sleep at night comfortable knowing he'll be there with you as long as you both take breaths. You reach a level of contentment you cannot experience at 20, 30, 40 or even 50. You are settled, your roots firmly planted, you know who you are and finally you actually like yourself. You no longer question yourself nor apologize for who you are.
Sure you have less to look forward to than what you look back on, but is that necessarily a bad thing? I think maybe not. There's a reason we're not here forever.
And the good news is that dogs live less time than people so I'm catching up to Meme. I'm not 70 yet, but before you know it I'll pass her. And when all is said and done, I'm going to be there waiting on the other side and we'll cross that bridge together ... you know, the rainbow one with the pot of gold.'Til next time ...Molly

Unreasonable Doubt

Maybe the truth was just too difficult to absorb or too horrific to accept. Perhaps the jury could only take in the more digestible theory tossed out the first day of the trial … that it must have been an accident so devastating that someone needed to make it disappear, make it anything but what it was even though there were not then, nor are there now, any facts to support that theory, circumstantial or otherwise. But maybe the alternative was just too unspeakable for them to bear.

Meme is upset, I mean really upset. She believes in her soul that Casey Anthony got away with killing her little girl, not necessarily on purpose but purposeful or not, Caylee’s not here anymore. And Casey knew she wasn’t here as she frolicked flamboyantly through 31 days seemingly without a care in the world.

Sometimes when I write I'm not sure where Meme leaves off and I begin. I'm sort of an extension of her or maybe she is of me. But I can write for her almost as if she’s writing herself and that’s what I need to do today.

The trial was on TV every day, all day, for weeks. Her laptop in front of her, Meme would mute the TV during commercials and increase the volume on her laptop so she wouldn't miss a minute. She was reading Casey's letters from jail and absorbing evidence that tumbled around in her mind and invaded her dreams as she slept.

It would have been fun if it wasn’t all so horribly real, if it hadn't been about a little girl’s death at the hands of her own mother. The more she got to know the family, the more upset she became.

And then the verdict came down. As the clerk read the first charge followed by the words "not guilty" Meme said "she's going to walk". I wondered how Meme could be so positive about her guilt, but except for a few pictures, she saw and heard everything the jury did. And because they were often removed from the courtroom, everyone watching saw even more than the jury. So the armchair viewers became the silent jurors. The majority of those people heard the verdict with shock and disbelief and they're not so silent anymore.

In the days that followed, she tried to work through it. She wondered how the jury could have seen it so differently, puzzled over what trial they were watching … certainly not the one she had seen. A couple of jurors insisted they found "reasonable doubt" which left them unsure whether it was murder or an accident that caused Caylee’s death. Even though more doubt surrounded the accident theory than murder, they chose accident.

Reasonable doubt … maybe we live in a time where we're just too reasonable, excusing the inexcusable, forgiving the unforgivable, there are no bad people, just good people who do bad things … judge not lest you be judged or something like that. One of the jurors admitted she wouldn’t be comfortable judging another person.

So we look for excuses. We search for a family secret that could possibly explain the unexplainable. We give the benefit of the doubt even when little doubt exists. Children are raised with no consequence for bad behavior. Casey herself was only 22 years old when her little girl’s life ended. Her behavior for the 31 days following the death of her child was undeniably diabolical.

Meme believes the jury just couldn't accept what seemed so obvious to so many of us. Accepting the reality of little Caylee dying at the hands of the mother she adored was so abhorrent that they felt compelled to accept the hypothetical that Caylee drowned in the pool and her Mom simply lost her mind for the moment and committed unspeakable acts, or possibly someone else did along with her or on her behalf. They couldn’t judge because no undeniable absolute proof positive was placed in their laps. And then toward the end a witness who could explain it away, make Casey’s behavior okay, just one of many reactions a person can have when faced with enormous grief. The Defense played a game of psychological manipulation forcing the jury to take their eyes off the ball and focus on something more palatable … sleight of hand, smoke and mirrors.

And they succeeded. It’s easier to accept an accidental death, nobody’s fault. This pretty young woman couldn't possibly be so evil that she would drug her child to sleep and then either by mistake or on purpose overdose or smother her to death.

They sat in the jury box and saw the circumstantial evidence woven masterfully. Maybe they returned to their hotel rooms alone and away from their families and were so haunted by what they had seen that they just couldn't come to that conclusion. Maybe they couldn’t see the bits and pieces that separately could not condemn, but pieced together most assuredly could.

Who knows? We thought she was guilty; the jury said she wasn't. But more than one person knows what happened that day. When more than one person knows something, it's not a secret anymore. The awful truth, like scum, is sure to rise to the top one day.

And even if it doesn't, will Casey ever truly walk free? The media tells us she'll make money from people who believe they can draw the truth from her. I wonder if she knows her own truth anymore. She’s told so many lies that it all blends into something even she can’t figure out. She might be pitied if she weren’t so despicable. The best thing we can do right now is ignore her.

Life rights our wrongs either in this world or the next, but usually this one. The guilty may not be in prison but neither are they free. If she’s guilty, she carries that burden forever. Casey Anthony will not move gently through this life. She could change her name, her appearance, shut the door and never look back if she wanted. But her jailhouse letters tell how Casey reveled in her celebrity; she would ponder how to wear her hair the next day or what behavior the camera may have picked up in court. She’s shown no grief, no remorse, and no accountability for anything she has done. Cameras will follow her, strangers will write to her, even send her money, but the attraction is neither one of awe nor admiration.

The final verdict is not yet in; the final court has not yet spoken.

You’ve found safe harbor, sweet Caylee … rest with the angels.

‘Til next time ...

Molly

The Doctor's Office

So the stress test results say that Meme isn't 100% normal. We already knew that and it's not necessarily a bad thing. But poor Meme says "and so it all begins ... old age, tests, doctors, yuck".

She got a call from the doctor's office saying she needs another test, she's not 100%. Seems like if one test isn't normal, they do another test to actually find out what's wrong with you. Call me "just a dog", but I say why not just do that test straight out of the gate; save a lot of time, money and worry.

Of course she wants to know exactly what that means; just how much of a percent is she? But they won't talk over the phone. She's told she can come in the next day and discuss it with the nurse practitioner. I should explain that Meme's doctor became one of those fancy boutique kind that you pay an annual fee just to be able to talk to them. So now she's pushed off on the nurse.

But the nurse wouldn't get on the phone with her. Again they insist she must come to the office (i.e. become billable) and then they'll talk. Meme had a few choice words while all the time assuring the voice on the other end of the phone that she's not angry at her, just the situation. She's told she can either come in or see a cardiologist to talk about the results. She decides to go that route. She asked if it was any kind of emergency and she was assured it was not, she should go on vacation and enjoy ... plenty of time when she returns.

A couple weeks later her appointment was at 12:30. They called the day before to confirm and ask her to arrive 15 minutes early to fill in paperwork. Because she always plays by the rules, she was dutifully there 20 minutes early. The paperwork took maybe 2 minutes tops. There were several people in the waiting room, but there's more than one doctor so no worries. She settled in, there was a nice widescreen TV tuned to her favorite news, all was well.

There were 2 clipboards on the counter ... "Gastro" and "Cardio" and Meme came to realize there was one doctor for each clipboard. Another patient grumbled a bit about the wait, went up and looked at the Cardio list. He told his wife the last guy in (at 12:45) had an 11:15 appointment! He sat back down and they continued holding hands as they had been doing since Meme got there. Meme thought how sweet that was, but she's not nearly as patient as this nice couple.

About 10 minutes later Meme ventured up to the desk and asked the girl how long a wait did she think it might be, how late was the good doctor running? She clicked away on her keyboard, looked at the clipboard and then clicked again. She said "You're Heather, right?" Yes. And then ... "There are 4 patients ahead of you."

4 Patients??!!! Say WHAT??!! It's 1:15 now. One patient had been called since she arrived. Being a bit of a numbers whiz, she quickly does the math and realizes that at that rate she'd be there at least 2 more hours! And she hadn't even had lunch! They asked if she'd like to reschedule and she said yes, that would be a good idea.

You may already know that I believe everything happens for a reason. Well, I'm right. As she stood there hoping she wouldn't go into cardiac arrest in the meantime, Meme decided to confirm that the office received the stress test and blood work results her doctor had faxed over. Click, click, click .... "Ummmm ... I see we received your mammogram ".

HER MAMMOGRAM???!!!! Hello! Oar out of the water? One or two porch lights out? What gives here? Meme's in a Cardiologist's office for Pete's sake!!!!! I guess I don't need to tell you that Meme had a little conversation with her doctor's office the next day.

They told her that since she'd already filled out the paperwork and provided her license and insurance card, she only needed to arrive about 5 minutes early to which Meme responded "Well, you already owe me an hour soooo.......".

Postscript: Meme opened a letter from her insurance the other day. They were billed almost $7,000 for the stress test. This is after about $5,000 for the blood work. And she feels just fine!! We don't even want to think about what happens when she's actually sick. Maybe these tests will avoid that, maybe they won't. Of course her insurance didn't pay all that money and Meme will have to pay some, but $12,000 seems like an awful lot to me just because she mentioned maybe it was time for an EKG. That's how this snowball started rolling down this horrible hill.

Not even going to tell you about my health issues; that's a chapter for another day. But I feel fine so I'm not going anywhere near a doctor if I can help it

'Til next time ...
Molly

Fair warning from one who knows ...

Meme was out of the house real early this morning. I wondered what on earth could be so important that she'd leave me so early, and with no breakfast (I always get extra food when she has breakfast). She didn't seem upset so I thought maybe she was headed out for some special treats or something.

Boy was I ever wrong ... and so was she!!! She thought she'd be gone a little over an hour ...ha! Instead what happened next set her brain in a tailspin (pardon the pun) and she came home dragging and all meshuggeneh. So while she's recovering I'll do my best to translate what she said and tell it as close as I can to how she told us.

There are some words we should never trust ... things like "mild discomfort", "you'll feel a bit of a pinch", and now this new one: "maybe a little rushing or flushing sensation". These are words commonly used in, you guessed it, the medical profession. And if some friend tells you a test was "a piece of cake", don't trust them either because we're betting they were slipped something under the table from somebody somewhere ... maybe a Starbucks gift card (more on that later).

Seems Meme went for a Nuclear Stress Test. She can't have the regular kind because of problems from her car accident. She made the mistake of not googling 'nuclear stress test' before she went today; she googles everything under the sun so this was an oversight or maybe not. I don't get it at all because one of her favorite sayings is "forewarned is forearmed". Well, poor Meme wasn't armed at all this morning!

She arrived at 8:30 a.m., right on time. She'd been barred from all food and drink since last night and no caffeine since yesterday morning. So already she's not off to a good start. And then she woke up with an awful headache ... two strikes.

Strike three was over an hour wait which I think is a huge no-no for a stress test!!! No coffee, no food, and now an hour wait? I mean, are you serious? Let's stress this lady out first and then do a stress test. So when she finally got in (the doctor was late ... what else is new?), her BP (usually very low) was up. But given the temper tantrum she was trying to control, she thought it was pretty darned low all things considered.

She's been fortunate health-wise throughout her life. She's had chicken pox, tonsillitis, colds, flu's, a few relatively minor surgeries, back problems and one major car accident. Other than that, she's in really good health when you think about all the birthday cakes she's eaten. But she's had a lot of tests and according to her sometimes tests can be as bad as whatever is wrong. Now and then we just may be better off riding it out and letting the chips fall where they may.

She can't have a "closed" MRI, goes insane in the tube. But going in for this test, it never occurred to her a tube was involved. So finally, IV inserted (surprise...who knew?), she walks into the room where everyone is being way too friendly and warm while the room is absolutely frigid. It's over 90 outside, why do these places have to be so darned cold? She sees the table and the tube and decides to remain calm and not give herself away. No one wants to be a wimp.

As instructed, she lay down on the table with her head in some sort of pillowed device that didn't feel bad at all. She was then attached to all sorts of monitors. She couldn't see so she didn't know what, probably just as well. She mentioned she was really cold and they gave her a blanket which was nice, but didn't help her bare arms which had to be stretched way above her head the entire time. They tell her this will take just 25 minutes and all she has to do is lie completely still.

Easy right? Easy wrong. Lying still is not as simple as it sounds because it's another word (at Meme's age) for instant cramping, her foot going numb, and itches on her cheek and eyelid that she can't wiggle or scratch away because she's not supposed to move. So Meme decides to use meditation. Visions of beaches, soft breezes on her cheek and the soothing sea start to form in her mind as she prepares to lift herself from where she is and put herself in another place and time. She can do this.

Suddenly the table starts moving into the tube and Meme's tiny voice says "you're not leaving me inside the tube, are you?" No, no ... not to worry, going straight through. Midway, the table stops. Instant anxiety attack begins and she calls out "Don't leave me in this tube!!" Silence. "HellOOOOOOO! Get me out of this tube!!" ... not such a tiny voice anymore. And a seemingly distant voice says they're just taking a couple of pictures and then they'll take her out. "I CAN'T BE IN THIS TUBE!!!"

Pictures finished for the moment, they push her all the way through, but by now she's a nervous wreck. They tell her the first set of pictures will be 10 minutes; lie perfectly still breathing normally, being careful not to move her arms or chest. What seems like 3 hours later they inject the medicine into her vein so they can see how her heart functions under stress.

So Meme says "Will I feel it?". A new voice answers "You may feel a small rush, but it will be gone in a couple of minutes". Okay, not so bad ... Meme was a young girl in NY in the 70's, a small rush could be a good thing, even better than meditating.

"Small rush"???? Ha! I don't think so! Meme says she felt a sudden surge like she'd never felt before, her heart beating fast but more than that ... an alien force seemed to go through her entire body ... almost felt like she would explode. So she said "I'm not liking this a whole lot". Her doctor was there to soothe her, saying it was all okay, that she and the others were there to "guard" her. Guard her!!!???? Why oh why, she thought, do I need guards???

Thankfully she read only later that in the rarest of circumstances it's possible one could experience a heart attack or other "complication" during the test. Terrific. She didn't. She survived. And because of the inconvenience of the long wait, they gave her a Starbucks gift card for $10!!! Pretty nice. That should cover a tasty mocha latte enchilada at the very least.

She was barely able to walk out of there she was so hungry, so longing for caffeine and a really delicious treat. She managed to get behind the wheel and drive about a mile to the nearest Starbucks where she had a good strong cup of Joe along with a yummy chocolate chip coffee cake (not a drop for me...go figure).

She sat in her car just feeling so good to have it over. So she popped over to Panera's for a couple of scones to take home and an asiago cheese bagel to wash down the chocolate chip coffee cake. I know!!! Go for a stress test to check if your arteries are flowing free and then load those same arteries down with plaque!!! But I don't get to tell Meme what to do.

Here's my conclusion, though. Beware of tests. I've had them and I know. They tell you there's nothing to it, done in a jiffy, it won't hurt or only a mild "discomfort". But it's just not true. Even the tests are the pits and I think that oftentimes things are better just left alone. Let the body do its thing and when your time's up, it's up. We live too darned long anyway and something's gotta getcha at some point. The main thing we need to do is hope it's quick. Pray for quick.

Yeah, okay, so maybe you disagree. That's okay. All I know is Meme came home from lying on a table for 30 minutes and to hear her tell it you would think she'd run like a gazelle to the top of Mount Kilimanjaro. She lasted about an hour before lying down and falling into a blissful sleep, leaving me all on my own to tell you her story, even typing it out myself here.

The moral according to me? Ask for only the most basic of information before going in for any testing if you're going to do it at all because reading everything on google is going to make you crazy. If you're over 65 skip the tests unless you're actually sick. Believe me, they'll test you for everything if you let 'em. Chances are you're fine and you'll give up half your day for nothing ... someone will make a lot of money and it won't be you.

But what do I know? I'm just a little white dog.

'Til Next Time ...
Molly

The Dance

We've heard it all before ... 'it's the journey, not the destination'. Garth Brooks tells us he could have missed the pain, but then he'd miss the dance. We all know it's what we should do, greet every single day with joy rather than count the days 'til the end of the week, the first day of Spring, Christmas, the end of winter ... accept the agony of pain, the wisdom we learn from defeat, and move on through life experiencing the bumps we find along the road. We know this. But sometimes, lots of times, we forget to slow down and just enjoy the ride every single day.

There's a couple kinds of dances that we do. First, there's life's daily dance and then there's the crazy spinning in circles dance, the one when you pretty much know where you're going to be standing when the band stops playing, but you dance around in circles just in case it will take you somewhere else. Usually, though, you end up right where you thought you would even if you'd just danced once around the floor.

On January 15, 2001, I was born. In December 2000 Meme said to Poppy ... "I want a dog." And Poppy said, "We don't need a dog".

January came and Meme was still talking about getting a dog, her family always had dogs in her childhood and she promised herself that once she retired, she would adopt a dog. But Poppy kept saying they didn't need one and right about that time, I was born. I'm a natural born Floridian, born in Daytona Beach ... and some say there are no "real" Floridians, but I'm living proof that there are!

Meme has a really good friend who knew how badly Meme wanted to find me and how much I would add to both their lives. But Meme told her "I don't know, we need to both want a dog, not just me". And her friend said (and Meme has never forgotten this) .... "You're just doin' the dance."

And so they danced around the idea of a dog through the rest of January and all the while Meme was searching the internet looking for me. Of course, Poppy eventually relented as he always does (not sure why he even tries to go against my Meme because once she makes up her mind she is relentless!). All that was needed now was for the stars to align so we would meet and that's just what happened in the middle of February when she and her friend drove north to Daytona Beach.

And there I was with my litter mates. Meme picked me up and I nuzzled into her neck and magic happened, the stars aligned and everything fell into place. It was in that moment that I found her, she found me, and on that day the dancing around in circles was done, but life's dance had only just begun .... at least for me.

In the 10 years that followed sometimes I would lead and sometimes they would (mostly me though). One of my biggest challenges is trying to get them to notice me when they're about to go out the door and I can't think of a reason in the world they can't take me along. Sometimes they do, but sadly I'm often left behind. Over time, guess who fell in love with me and wondered how he could possibly have considered not getting "a dog". You guessed it. And I could have told him what would happen because I'm not just any "dog" ... I am Molly and they were put on this earth just for me and of course I was born especially for them.

I got to thinking about all the times people check off days on the calendar looking forward to the next big event without enjoying the dance of life every day. Maybe we start to think more like this when we get a little older and the 'days dwindle down to a precious few'. When we're young it seems like our days will go on forever. An infinite period of time lies ahead so we often end up just looking forward instead of enjoying the moment.

I live in the moment; all dogs do. I care what's happening this second ... and now this one. I don't have the ability to think ahead or look back and learn from my mistakes; I don't understand that when times are tough and everything seems as dark as it can possibly get, it will get better. If I'm in the vet's office sitting on that table and they're poking me I just hate it. And no amount of "this will be over soon" is going to placate me. Still, somehow I know it's all part of the dance ... even the lousy stuff. And like Garth says ... we could have missed the pain, but then we'd also miss the dance.

Remember the colors of the festive holiday season? All the joy, the happy sounds of laughter, the gentle feeling of good will seems to be everywhere? A snowflake strays to your windowsill and you just happen to be there at the window right at that moment and you watch as it sparkles in the glow from the firelight inside.

That one snowflake, different from any other that has ever fallen, will melt away ... but that's just one tiny moment in the dance we call life. And while the snowflake will melt, the joy of that moment, different from any other before or since, will live forever in your heart. Imagine if you'd missed it, imagine if you had turned away and when you looked back it was gone.

Cherish this day ... it will not come again.

'Til next time ..
Molly

Ending a Year ~ And a New Beginning

So all the wonderful winter holidays are almost past us. Christmas with all its promise, magic and wonder (not to mention very yummy presents) has come and gone once more. And now it's time to look toward another year.

In our family we think of a new year as a fresh start because we're really not all that nutty about telling a year good bye at this stage of our lives. We love all the holidays from Thanksgiving right on through New Year's Eve because even though there can be ups and downs, overall it's a very happy time. But then the year is gone and especially for Meme that's not such a great thing since she turns the calendar and sees she's suddenly another year older. This year she's especially flustered since she says it's the last year in a particular decade or something which I guess isn't such a good thing? As for me, I turn the page on my very first decade in the new year and it's very unlikely I'll ever turn the page on another. So she should be happy she's had so many.

Endings just aren't fun, but beginnings sure are. Like the beginning of a trip when the possibilities of what will happen on the road ahead are boundless ... or the beginning of a brand new day. As pretty as a sunset is, darkness follows. But think about the dawn ... light follows. It's the beginning, the sun comes up and everything looks fresh, sparkling and new. The day stretches out before us like a flower about to bloom.

Maybe that's why people make resolutions; they figure it's a new beginning, a fresh start. And no matter how many times they break those resolutions, they still make 'em!!! You would think after pledging to do something every year and then not following through, they'd just stop doing it. But they don't! Every year January 1 rolls around and people promise to stop smoking, lose weight, start working out (whatever that is ... Meme won't tell me). And they're pretty good about it for awhile, but come February ... something happens and they slip.

So I've been giving this a lot of thought and wondering what sort of resolution I could make and stick to. After all, I'm pretty darned close to perfect as it is. I'm very fit, I do a lot of walking and running. I'd eat more if I could, but for some reason I don't get to choose what or when I eat. So getting pudgy isn't an option for me.

And then it came to me ... came in a way so many thoughts come ... almost a whisper. Like Meme, I believe there really are no coincidences, thoughts don't suddenly appear out of the clear blue sky. Something made me remember these words .... "And on Earth peace, good will toward men."

Have we just heard the words too many times? Are they just words we read or sing over the Christmas holidays? Meme says respect and good will are a thing of the past and I sure hope not. I think she's wrong. I think we watch too much TV where we sure as heck don't see any good will what with Snooki, the Housewives of just about everywhere, reality this and reality that ... and don't even get me started on what they call news these days. And politics seems to get in the middle of almost everything and there's no sign of good will there.

But in this great big world is it really gone? I believe most ordinary creatures of the earth still wish for peace and feel good will toward all mankind. I see it around me every single day with all the good things people do for each other, just regular folks like you and me who open up their hearts, their arms and their homes to help and be there for others. We really do look out for each other despite what you may see on the nightly news.

So I think, as we go into this new year, maybe we should renew our vow to have the greatest good will we can muster for everyone in the world. This isn't an easy resolution. We can't just think as far as next door or down the block, or even around the corner. We have to reach beyond our states, across nations and around the world.

There are really more of us than there are of "them"; there are more like me who greet every person and every dog, I see with anticipation that something good is coming my way. We're living in a world where strangers help strangers when tough times come along. There's always someone whose eyes light up when they see me ... even if they've never seen me before.

This is a good world and I won't give up on it, Meme won't give up on it; Poppy's not so sure (he's a tough sell), but we're working on him. So for our resolution this year let's all hang in and hold tight so that just maybe this will be the year the magic happens. This is something we can all stick to by just getting up every morning and make some time to go a little bit out of our way just to bring a smile to someone.

Wishing everyone a healthy and wonderful new year. But most of all I wish for you much love and lots of laughter because when we have that, all things are possible.

'Til Next Year ...
Molly & Her Family

Hope Springs Eternal ...

Have you ever had one of those days when you look back and you just have to wonder ....... "Whatever was I thinking!!!???" Well, Meme and a friend had a day like that last week and it may have topped just about all others except maybe the last time they went shopping. They've known each other "forever" and when they get together something weird happens, all common sense gets tossed out the window and they seem to lose their minds completely. Meme says it all comes down to vanity; something maybe a lot of us can relate to.

One day like any other, when I thought I knew exactly what was going to happen all day, the door suddenly flew open and Meme's friend landed in our house with her suitcase. Now you and I both know that suitcases (for me) are not a good sign. I knew right then that upheaval would reign around here for a few days and I was just going to have to grin and bear it.

Turned out that this was a friend of Meme's from 'back in the day' and they sure had a lot to talk about. On Friday they came home looking pretty sheepish and after just sitting and listening to them for awhile, I was able to piece it all together.

It seems they went for a yummy lunch by the ocean and then drove to the mall. Evidently this is a very dangerous thing to do especially when you go with a friend. Donna had fallen in love with the color of a lipstick "Beckett" wears on a TV show and the only place she could buy it is Nordstrom's.

They arrived in the cosmetics area where they sell stuff that's supposed to make you look better. They nosed around awhile trying to sniff out this lipstick and then someone showed up to help. She didn't seem to know who Beckett was and the Bobbie Brown lady was in a class, but eventually they found what Donna was looking for. So shopping done and they could come home and pay me some attention, right? Wrong.

Meme was just putting a lip pencil tester back when she realized Donna was nowhere in sight so she went looking for her. After passing a couple of counters she found Donna sitting in a chair and 'Vicki', the sales rep, was putting something on her face! Seems that Meme had said something about lipstick "bleeding" and Vicki had the cure!!!

So she was smearing some cream followed by a "magic" color wand over Donna's face telling them both that all the lines would pretty much disappear in mere seconds. Just for fun Meme had taken a picture of Donna's lips with the new lipstick (actually a blend of two lipsticks) just moments earlier so now she decided to take an "after" picture.

Before her very eyes the lines were gone! Can you imagine their excitement??? Meme was practically jumping up and down saying "It's a miracle, it's a miracle!!!" Donna looked amazed, but hadn't seen it yet. Meme immediately insisted on taking another picture of what had happened because her eyes alone just didn't convince her. Then they both gazed at the proof positive in the photos.

The three of them were exuberant ... practically dancing in the aisles. They were overjoyed when Vicki told them that someone had invented this cream for runway models and the results were so fantastic that Yves St. Laurent decided to introduce it to all of us so we could all look like models. Of course, if you ask me, that should have been their first clue that something was amiss because all that stuff they plaster on models only lasts a short time.

As an aside, I'm fortunate I have fur all over my face. No one knows what goes on behind that fur and I can't understand why Meme and Donna don't just grow fur and leave it at that, but for some reason they'd rather just fuss around with a bunch of creams and potions.

Anyway! They continued to marvel at this amazing miracle and finally Donna said to Vicki ... "so how much is this miracle going to cost me?" Vicki told her the color wand was $40. Hmmm ... not so much for a miracle. But! The cream is over $100 ... I don't even dare tell you how much over because Poppy will read this at some point and he's just too young to die.

Ouch and double ouch!!!! Have they lost their bleeping minds??? HellOOOooo ... can you spell 'recession'? And, by the way, Nordstrom's is completely out of stock because this potion is so magical and so popular it literally flies out of the stores!!! Vicki said she can't even keep it in stock and now that this experience is past her, Meme is pretty sure they order just one at a time!!! So now Donna hesitates and Meme said she's not buying it! No way! All together almost $200 for something you smear on your upper lip just to make a few lines go away? Forget it! How many people get that close to your face anyway?

But Vicki assures them the price is low in the long run because it will last 7 months. So Meme thinks it will last over a year because she'll hardly ever use it. They're told the results build up over continuous use and eventually all their lines will be gone. Vicki encourages them to look at her and they'll see how amazing the products are; she's 65 years old and her skin is virtually line-free. It's also plastered all over with make-up ... more than either Donna or Meme had ever seen so close up.

Meme is suspect and flat out says "C'mon, Vicki, you've had a tug or two, right? ... maybe a little Botox? You can tell us; we're all friends here" She can't recall getting a clear answer on that and later Donna told us she couldn't believe Meme asked her something so personal!!! But after all, she was saying it was because of the miracle cream so personally I don't see anything wrong with calling her on it.

Anyway, suddenly Meme is in the chair and Vicki is performing the miracle on her. Watching the transformation take place before her very eyes; Donna says that it is absolutely amazing.

So now they have both decided to bite the bullet and purchase the whole enchilada (and let's not forget the lipsticks!!!). Somewhere along the way they learn it isn't really for the upper lip after all ... it's an eye cream!!! So double miracle. People have gathered and seem curious. Together, Meme and Donna can draw a crowd because they're not all that quiet and they really have fun which is sort of contagious. So it was kind of a show if you know what I mean.

As Donna is completing her order, Meme again looks closely at her and notes that the 'miracle results' seem to be disappearing. So she takes another picture and compares it with the earlier one. For some reason they deny what they can see with their own eyes and complete both purchases leaving the store in miracle 'la la land'.

They shopped around the mall for awhile and returning to the car they passed through Nordstrom's again. At the entrance were two cosmeticians who invited them to have a makeover. Appalled at the suggestion given their recent transformation, Meme said "But we just had one, can't you tell?" Almost pitying faces looked back at them which took a little of the wind out of Meme's sails.

Ever hear about 'buyer's remorse'? Well that kicked in big time later that day when reality hit them smack in the face. They came home and looked in the mirror and realized that while maybe the product had plumped up the skin for a few moments, the party was definitely over. Meme grabbed the phone and called to cancel her order. She begged them not to put her through to the department because she couldn't bear to talk to Vicki when they'd all had such a good time. She didn't want to disappoint her even though, as Donna said, Vicki had sure put one over on them!!!! This was confirmed later in the day when a friend who had worked in the cosmetics industry throughout her career came by and laughed hysterically that they honestly believed, even for a moment, that a cream could erase what it took several decades to create.

It was too late. The order was in the works and on its way, but customer service assured Meme that she could return it as soon as it arrived which is exactly what's going to happen.

We are born beautiful with skin as soft as corn silk. Along our journey changes transform us and we grow prettier, cuter, more handsome, gawky, awkward, thinner and chubbier. We grow and we change and one day it all begins to fade (except unfortunately for the chubby part). We get a few wrinkles and everything seems to fall a little bit. Hair can turn white or gray and lots of other stuff happens that may not make us very happy.

Women especially don't like these changes and look in the mirror wondering what the heck happened. They spend and spend trying to find something that will fix it. Sometimes they actually go somewhere and have stuff tugged and pulled, even sucked out and sometimes injected. They strive to bring back what once was, but the truth is that no matter what they do no one can take us back. They can cut and tweak, defy time for a little while, or stand in front of the mirror thinking that just the tiniest tug would fix everything. In the end there no stopping time from doing what it does.

But I think a new beauty forms if you just leave it all alone. Whoever said that wrinkles are ugly, where is it written that a sag here or there is a bad thing? When I walk our streets every day I have seen faces lined with experience, wrinkles that show all the joys of life and I wonder why anyone would ever want to take those away? They tell the story of a life well lived, the tale of all the laughter and even the tears. I've looked into tired old eyes that reflect the love of the children, husbands, wives and others who have gazed into them over the years. The crinkles around the eyes show how many times the person has smiled at a warm moment and the laugh lines around the mouth show all the joy they have experienced.

So there is no magic wand to wave all that away .... and why would anyone really want one to anyway? It's all just a part of the journey.

'Til next time ...
Molly

September 11, 2001 ~ Afterward

Sometimes something happens in our journey through life that in one single solitary moment changes our lives forever. It happened for us when I was just 8 months old.

Words don't come all that easy for me sometimes. When you're looking at the world from only about 12 inches off the ground, there's a lot you can't see and everything looks different from down here. Yesterday at dinnertime I took my usual perch on a footstool by the table. Meme and Poppy always bring a tiny plate of dog treats for me to have while they have their dinner. Knowing this, as soon as Meme puts that footstool by the table I hop up because I know sooner or later I'll get my treats. What's so good about my life is most of the time I know what to expect each day from the moment I get up until it's time to plop on the bed with my 'peeps' and sleep safely through the night.

So this is the easy stuff, the things we expect at certain times in the day; I get up every morning confident that everything will be just as good as the day before. But Meme says nothing is forever and that became crystal clear 9 years ago this month when the world everyone thought they knew was shattered in mere moments on a beautiful bright sunny morning when the last thing anyone would ever have expected could happen ... did.

Growing up maybe Meme was a little spoiled. It isn't that there was nothing to fear, but the world seemed so much bigger back then. Every once in a while there would be drills called "Duck and Cover" and all the kids dove under their desks at school and covered their heads with their arms. But when she heard "grown ups" talk about the governments they were fearful about, the countries were on the other side of the world. As a child Meme always felt safe at home with her family.

After the Vietnam War was over and when the Berlin Wall came down, people fell into a sort of wistfulness that finally all was well. For Meme it was a joyous time of falling in love, getting married, buying a home, working in a job she loved and meeting new friends. When she turned 50, she decided she wasn't so over the hill after all.

So life was good. And on September 11, 2001, Meme and Poppy were living here in Florida and I was pretty new in their lives. That morning was just like any other except for that brilliant blue sky not just in Boston and New York, but in Washington, Pennsylvania and here in Florida. Another glorious day when all Meme had to worry about was going to have her teeth cleaned.

The TV was on, I was asleep on the bed and Meme and Poppy were getting dressed. And then everything seemed to stop. I could feel it in the air as all the joy was sucked out of the house. They just stood staring at the TV.

In that moment, that day, that second ... all innocence was lost, the playthings got put away, trust in everything they thought they could depend on was gone and I remember Meme said so quietly I could barely hear her ... "Nothing will ever be the same again".

Meme is a lot like me and when she feels something deeply, she writes. A month later she wrote something she's never shared before. So I thought maybe her words were better than mine just this one time.

AFTERWARD by Heather Boyd Sandarr

Afterward ...
Strangers became brothers.
Tears fell and would not dry..

Afterward ...
Strangers rescued strangers risking their own lives
Realizing they'd also saved their own.
Strangers on a plane wove their lives as one
halting yet another tragedy
Yet lost their own in the doing.

Afterward it was said that life had changed forever...
That the world would never be the same.
But in so many ways life is exactly the same as before.
It is simply that such an evil
Was beyond anything we’ve ever known or could ever imagine .

This evil has lived with us for many years,
a noxious gas festering its way toward this agonizing day.
It has slithered through our streets brushing against us as it passed.
It has used our minds and hearts and shelters to grow within itself.
It has lived next door to us and passed us on the street.
It has used our schools, enjoyed our land, eaten our food, drunk our wine.
No one saw it smile yet still we gave it space to grow
Because that's who we are.

So life has not changed ... we have changed.
Now we know what we did not know
And now we stand together as one.
We stand for our country, our family, our core, our very soul.
We stand as one with the goal to end evil forever.
Afterward ... they thought they could tear us apart;
They have only drawn us together.

My country is my Family.
I may criticize my brother,
Lash out at my brother, cheat my brother.
I may even hurt my brother,
But no one may attack my brother
And expect that I’ll ever forget.
Buildings can be rebuilt, but lost lives can never be reclaimed.

Afterward...
When we've managed through the agony,
When we've grieved beyond our grief,
When the open wound has healed to a firm resolve to ensure
that no one, certainly no evil such as this,
Can take away our liberty or destroy our country.
Afterward may we come to know
That those who died that day
Did not do so in vain.

It was 9 years ago my Meme wrote this and she tells me that sadly our country is now divided in so many ways. Meme says there are always ebbs and flows to everything.

Though she wrote "they thought they could tear us apart; they have only drawn us together", now it sometimes seems they won after all. Yet she realizes that while we may be divided about where we should go and how we should get there, we are not divided in our resolve to stand together against those who will do us harm. Torn apart we will break; bonded together we will be whole, strong and indestructible.

I confess this is really way too much for me to absorb. I'm just one little dog. But like I say, I'm just twelve inches off the ground so I have a different perspective. For me life is pretty simple. I don't make enemies and I don't look for trouble, but I watch out for my Meme and Poppy and they look out for me.

'Til Next Time ...
Molly